The Definition of Insanity
by GaterGina71
Summary: Daniel has some things to deal with after need. Spoilers for COTG, Need, Gamekeeper Warning for some language and character death


The Definition of Insanity By Ginalynn71 

Epilogue

"Geez, Daniel are you trying to kill me?" Jack shouted at Daniel.

"You're trying to kill me." Daniel replied.

"There'll be guards here in thirty seconds." Jack said crouching behind a shelf.

Daniel was adamant. "I'm going back."

"You don't have to! Fraiser says you're getting better." Jack tried to give Daniel some sort of assurance.

"You're lying!" Daniel yelled.

"Why would I do that?" Jack asked. Daniel rushed Jack and they struggled and fought. Daniel was acting like a madman. He grabbed Jack's gun away from him, and raised it towards his friend.

"Daniel! God, what are you going to do, Daniel? Do you want to kill me? Oh, god, look at you. I know what this is. I know what it's like. You can get through this." Jack tried to get through to Daniel.

"No." Daniel started to cry as Jack pulled him into a hug.

Chapter 1

"Knock, knock." Jack said as he opened the door to Daniel's apartment. He walked in and shut the door behind himself. He could hear Daniel banging around in the kitchen, and he went to say hello.

"Hey Jack." Daniel greeted. He was opening and closing cupboards, looking for something.

"Lose something?" Jack asked.

"My travel mug. Can't find the damn thing." Daniel was clearly aggravated. He slammed the last door shut and leaned forward on the counter.

"Hey, relax, okay. It's just a mug Danny." Jack came and placed a hand on his shoulder. He knew there was more that was bugging Daniel. "Look, it won't be that bad. Really. They are nice people. It's only for your benefit. And the coffee's great." /Trust me, this helped save my life once./

They left the apartment and drove in silence. A short time later, they arrived at the brick building on the corner of Maple Street and Linberg Avenue. Their silence continued as they exited the car and walked to the door. Jack and Daniel entered the building and took the stairs to the third floor.

They stood outside the meeting room. This was probably the last place he ever expected to be in his life. Even more so, the last place he thought he would ever see Jack.

"You ready, Daniel?" Jack looked at a nervous Daniel.

"No. But do I have a choice?" Daniel replied. "Um, do I have to say it? I mean technically..."

"I guess not, but it helps to be able to. Picture that, you wanting to keep your yap shut." Jack just looked at him and smirked.

The two men went inside the meeting room. There were men and women milling around chatting quietly, some laughing, and some hugging hello. Daniel spotted the refreshment table and went to grab a coffee. He was pleasantly surprised when he noticed chocolate cookies, too.

"You want some Jack?" Daniel asked.

"Yeah, sure." The brown haired man took a coffee from Daniel's hand, and two cookies. He took Daniel's arm and let him to the first seat in the front of the room on the left. He knew what was coming, and he knew Daniel would probably kill him for it later.

A man a bit older than Jack sat at the table in the front of the room. He called the meeting to order and gave a few short announcements. "If there are no other announcements, we can go around the room and introduce ourselves." He looked in Daniel's direction.

/Oh crap. I'm going to kill you, Jack./ Daniel glared at Jack, and Jack elbowed him in the side. "Uh,Hi. My name is Daniel, and I'm...I'm an addict."

Chapter 2

The meeting ended and people were again talking to one another. Some came over, introduced themselves to Daniel, and said hello to Jack.

"Jack, how do you know all these people? As a matter of fact, how do you know about this meeting?" Daniel quizzed Jack.

"After I came home from Iraq, which I'd rather not discuss at this moment, I was really messed up from being injured. Took painkillers for some injuries, and those became my best friend. Eventually, they became my worst enemy. Go figure. It was do this and get my head on straight or lose my ass and get discharged. Did good for a while. Then Charlie happened. I went back to the drugs which are part of why I ended up on going to Aby...well, you know the rest of the story." Jack gave a small smile to Daniel. He knew he owed the younger man a lot. Daniel made him see what he could not see in himself. Jack was hoping now that these people could help Daniel see what Daniel could not, both the good and not so good.

"Wow, Jack. Guess there's still lots about you I don't know." Daniel looked bewildered that his friend and comrade had sides of him that were really shocking. He wondered for a moment what else he didn't know about Jack.

"Heya Jack, how are you?" A petite woman bounded up to Jack and gave him as big a hug as she could, considering her small size. "Haven't seen ya, where you been?"

"Hi Steph." Jack hugged her back. "I'm good, been working a lot. How about you?"

Stephanie was an attractive woman, but something in her demeanor made up for what she lacked in looks. "I'm good. Hanging in there. Job still sucks, but hey, I have one, so I am grateful for that. Who's your friend?"

"Oh, this is Daniel. Tonight was his first meeting." Jack told her.

"Hi, Steph." Daniel held out his hand to shake. Steph grabbed it, and yanked him into a hug. Daniel looked surprised and glanced at Jack. Jack just let out a small laugh.

"Oh, Daniel, relax. I don't bite. I'm glad you're here, it's a huge step." Steph released him and smiled.

"Uh, okay. Well, thank you. Wasn't what I expected though." Daniel replied to her.

"Never usually is Daniel. Hey, guys I gotta run. Will you be here next week?" Steph inquired.

"We may go around to some others before then, but we will definitely be here next week." Jack said. Steph hugged the men quickly and left.

"She's a bundle of energy, Jack." Daniel said to Jack as they too started for Jack's truck.

"Reminds me of someone I know." Jack said as they walked. Daniel looked at Jack and made a face.

"Yeah, I guess so." Daniel laughed a bit. The men reached the truck and climbed in.

On the ride back Daniel spoke up. "Jack, how on earth am I going to explain what happened to me considering our circumstances, and what we do?" Daniel asked.

"That meeting is what's called a special circumstances group. It's all government employees. We can tell them about working for the government, and give some information, but nothing about the stargate." Jack explained.

"Oh. Why didn't you tell me this before?" Daniel asked, looking annoyed.

"Danny, if I told you it was all government employees I never would have gotten your ass there and you know it. But, as you can see all government employees are not tight asses." Jack answered.

"I don't think you're a tight ass, Jack." Daniel said, smirking.

"Ha ha Daniel." Jack said as he punched him in the arm. They drove the rest of the way home in silence. Daniel knew that if he had to go through this with anyone, he wanted it to be Jack, and he smiled to himself knowing they were in this together.

Chapter 3

A week later, Daniel was getting ready to attend the meeting on Maple St. again. He had attended four others with Jack this week, but tonight he was going alone. Jack was on a mission off world with Sam and Teal'c. Daniel missed going off world, but Janet and General Hammond didn't want to take any chances on him relapsing due to stress, so he was relegated to research and paperwork for now. His coffee addiction had grown, but no one was concerned about that.

"Coffee won't turn anyone into an idiot with a power hungry complex." Janet had told him when he questioned her about it. "It's not the healthiest thing for you, but I won't make you give it up." Daniel was quite relieved at that comment.

Leaving his apartment, he thought about Shyla and how she might be doing. He hadn't been back since he returned home, even though he promised he would. Daniel didn't like not keeping his promises, but everyone told him he needed to be stable before even considering a return to the planet.

Daniel arrived at the meeting and was greeted by a few familiar faces. He cordially shook hands and said hello, while getting a coffee. Sitting in a chair, he spotted Steph, and gave a wave hello. She walked over and stood in front of Daniel.

"Hi Daniel. How ya doin?" She hugged him in her usual style. "Where's Jack?"

"He's offwo...working. Couldn't make it tonight." Daniel caught himself before he said too much. "He should be here next week." He considered that maybe she had a thing for Jack.

"So are you going to ask me to join you or do I have to stand here all night?" She ribbed.

"Oh, sorry, yeah, sit." Daniel was embarrassed about being rude. /Maybe she's got it for me. Oh shut up. No she doesn't. She's just being nice/

Steph looked at Daniel, she could tell he was thinking about something. "Problem?"

"Uh, no. Just thinking." He said to her.

"Well, don't. Just sit and listen. Some of us think too much, and it's what gets us in trouble." She laughed. Daniel smiled at her comment; he understood exactly what she meant. Daniel's head wasn't the best place to be lately.

The assemblage ended and Daniel and Steph stepped outside. Others had stopped to say goodnight and talk about the meeting.

Steph spoke up as the crowd trickled down. "Hey you want to get some coffee somewhere?"

"Uh, is that a good idea? Jack said it's not really a good idea to be hanging out with the opposite sex right after the meetings, people can talk." Daniel was more concerned for her than himself.

"So? I don't give a rip. You can't worry about what everyone else thinks. If they have a problem, then it's their problem. Not mine. Or yours for that matter." Steph grabbed his arm and started for the cars. "It will be fun, c'mon. You drive your car and I'll follow you."

"I guess I don't have a choice, huh?" Daniel laughed. They got in their own cars and drove a few blocks to the coffee shop Daniel usually went to.

Exiting their cars, Steph came and met up with him. Acquiring a table, they sat and ordered their drinks. Neither said anything for a few moments.

"You always this quiet?" Steph asked.

"No, actually, Jack is usually telling me to shut up." Daniel laughed. "So, what brought you here?"

"My car." She flatly replied, as she sipped her coffee. She looked up over the cup and grinned.

Daniel detected her joke and just snickered. "Okay, I mean, what brought you to the meetings?"

"How much time you got?" She asked him and then sighed before beginning.

"If you don't want to..." Daniel told her. He knew what it was like to talk about it, and it wasn't easy for anyone.

"No, its fine. It's just that I can't believe that life is so far behind me now. Like I was a different person then." She spoke thoughtfully, looking down at the table.

"Tell me about it." Daniel rolled his eyes.

Chapter 4

Steph began her story. "I was brought up in a alcoholic home. Lots of fighting and arguing. Lots of kids say how they wished thier parents weren't divorced, I wished my were. We didn't have a lot of money, just scraped by, mostly. My mom was sick a lot. I think the most ironic part was that I would lay in bed at night and tell myself I would never drink when I grew up. Look at me now."

"I'm sorry, Steph. I can't imagine how hard that was for you." Daniel told her.

"I went to a few parties and stuff in high school, drank like the other kids. But it wasn't a problem. Not till I turned 19. I started getting into bars. Every time I'd go I'd get sloshed. Should have know then it was a problem. Lived like that for a long time." She sighed again, and sipped more coffee. "I have no idea how I made it through college and worked for the government all that time."

"What do you do for the government?" Daniel asked her.

"Believe it or not, I was a weapons instuctor. That's kinda scary, huh?" She looked at Daniel with an 'I'm a peach, huh' expression.

"Well, you changed, that's the most important thing. You didn't kill anyone right?" He smirked, and Steph put her head down. /Nice one Daniel, you should learn to keep your mouth shut/

"I didn't kill someone, but came pretty damn close. I had been on a bender for three days and had to work the fourth. I went in with a hangover from hell. I was training recruits for a new rifle they were going to be using. I loaded one incorrectly, and when I fired it the thing almost exploded." Steph pulled her long auburn hair to the side to show Daniel a large scar on her neck.

"Oh my god, Steph. You're lucky that didn't kill you." Daniel said. "Do you still have problems from the injury?"

"Yeah. Can't hear out of this ear well. I get headaches." She replied. "The brass did a BA on me at the hospital. I was a .18 even after 24 hours. They gave me a choice. Get help, and no more working with the weapons, or get thrown out of he military. I got an Article 15. I'm actually a Seargent. I just don't make a big deal out of that fact since I sit behind a desk now."

Daniel just stared at her, not knowing what to say. She just didn't seem like the type to have all these issues in her life. /Like I ever thought I'd be addicted to an alien device for that matter/

"Daniel," She looked at him pretending to be annoyed. "Staring."

"Sorry. Just thinking...wait, forget I said that." Daniel smiled and remembered her earlier comment.

"So, tell me about yourself. What's a nice guy like you doing in a place like a meeting?" Steph inquired.

"Uh, I got addicted to something. Didn't plan on it. Just sort of happened." Daniel told her, as he ordered two more coffees.

"Oh, come on. I know there's more. People get addicted for a reason. Addiction isn't the problem. It's a symptom of a problem. Spill, Daniel." Steph retorted. "Where ya from, what do ya do? C'mon."

Daniel gave a small laugh and began his story. "I grew up in Egypt mostly. My parents were archeologists. It was really great. I learned so much there. That's how I got into it. But when I was eight I lost my parents in an accident. They got crushed to death. I went around to foster homes for a long time. I went to college and got some degrees. Archeology, Linguistics, Mythology. I can speak twenty three languages."

Steph almost spit out her coffee. "Twenty three? Really? What, did you graduate at 10? You aren't old enough to have that many degrees yet."

"I got my first Masters at 18. I'm thirty three, so I've had time to get more." Daniel looked at her hoping she didn't think he was bragging.

"Wow. So what happened?" She asked.

"I got a job for the government. Civilian research. Got myself into a situation. Unfortunately, that's all I can tell you. I really don't know why I got addicted. I guess I just felt like I could do anything." /Be vague Daniel./ "I felt better than I have in my life. When I got home I went nuts because of withdrawls. Did some things I'm not proud of." Daniel sounded disappointed with himself, and Steph could tell.

"When you got home? Where were you, out of the country again?" She asked.

"Yeah, you could say that." He laughed a bit at that statement. /If you only knew/ Daniel looked down at his watch. "Oh god, look at the time. We should go. Got to work in the morning."

"Is it that late?" Steph inquired. She and Daniel got up and put their cups in the trash.

They exited the café and walked to her car. "I had a great time Daniel. We have to do this again." She pulled Daniel into a big hug.

"Yes, we do. See you next week?" Daniel gave her a small kiss on the cheek.

"Yes, you will. Drive fast!" She joked as she got in her car and left.

Daniel went back to his car and got in. He smiled as he thought of the time they shared, and he knew he could have something more with her, just from the short time he spent with her. /You're married. Remember that./ He sighed loudly as he suddenly remembered Sha're. But he knew the odds were against her ever coming back to him. He decided to just leave this alone for now and see what would happen in the future.

Chapter 5

Sam came in to the commissary for breakfast and spotted Daniel. She grabbed a coffee and an orange, since the actual breakfast food didn't look to appetizing today. Sitting down at the same table as Daniel, she noticed he was daydreaming. Since the incident in her lab with Daniel, things had been a little tense between them.

"Earth to Daniel. Hello?" She waved her hand in front of him.

Daniel snapped out of it and greeted her. "Oh, sorry. Morning."

"Where were you?" Sam asked, peeling her orange. She spoke to him, but there was some flatness in her voice.

"I was rehashing last night. I met a woman named Steph, and I am finding myself a little attracted to her I guess." Daniel told Sam, as he took a bite of his French toast. He finished chewing and continued. "I feel bad about it in a way, too. I mean, Sha're is still out there. But we both know how that may turn out."

"What do you think Sha're would want? Do you think she'd expect you to sit around and wait for her? Even if it's for the rest of your life?" Sam questioned. "I wouldn't want someone I loved to do that."

Daniel thought for a minute before he spoke. "No, I don't think she would. However, I made a promise, to her father and myself to find her. Therein lays the problem. I find myself making a lot of promises I can't keep lately." There was sadness in his voice.

"Sometimes, for the greater good we have to break our promises, or because things happen that we have no control over. It isn't your fault. It doesn't mean you can't stop looking for her." Sam told him.

"No, I suppose not." Daniel said. "I got to run, got some artifacts to catalog. I'll see you later." He got up, put his trash in the basket and left.

Sam sat there thinking about Daniel and all that had happened to him. Knowing the lab incident wasn't really his fault, she still thought an apology would be nice. She couldn't imagine Daniel ever being so hurtful with his words. /Oh, Daniel. Are we ever going to be like we were before/

Daniel was in his office working when the phone rang. "Dr. Jackson." He answered.

"Hey you. How are you?" Stephanie's voice was on the other end.

"Hello. Uh, how'd you get this number?" Daniel asked.

"I could tell ya, but then I'd have to kill ya." Steph and Daniel both laughed into the phone. "No sir. I do work for the government, remember?"

"Yes. I'm sure you have your ways." Daniel spoke into the phone. "I had a good time last night. Thanks."

"Me too, Daniel. Nice to just sit and shoot the breeze with someone. Ya know, I was wondering about something. You never mentioned if you were married." Steph stated.

"Well, neither did you." Daniel was now wondering if she was in a relationship, too. Daniel paused before continuing. /How do I explain this/  
"I...um...lost her in a kidnapping. Enemies of our government." /Close enough to the truth I guess/

"Oh, I'm so sorry. When?" Steph asked.

"Last year. Honestly, I don't think there's any way to help her. We are still looking, but I don't know if we'll ever find her. I'm sorry Steph, but it's government related and I can't say anymore than that." Daniel's voice was heavy with emotion. "So, what about you?" He tried to change the subject.

"I understand Daniel. There's some things that we can't change, and government secrecy is one of them. I hope it works out though. Me, never been married. Had a few boyfriends, nothing ever serious enough for marriage. Not really sure if I'm ready anyhow, considering the circumstances." Steph replied. "I've only been clean a little over two years. Although, I'd consider dating someone, maybe see how it goes."

/Sounds like she's hinting/ "Really?" He said with a little too much enthusiasm. /Oh, don't be too obvious/

"How about dinner and a meeting, or something?" Steph questioned. "You pick."

"I...that sounds good, actually. I can pick you up. When?" Daniel asked.  
"Eight? And by the way, I'm not one of those salad eating wenches, I like my beef. So bring lots of money." She told him.

Daniel laughed into the phone. "Oookaaay. If you say so."

"Good man. See ya then." Steph hung up and Daniel pulled the phone away from his ear and stared at it for a second. /This is turning out well./ He placed the phone back on the receiver and thought about where they could go for dinner. He decided O'Malley's would be great for steak.

Chapter 6

The two arrived at O'Malley's at eight. A hostess sat them at a table and they ordered sodas and steak. They talked quietly while eating, discussing what they could about their jobs. Stephanie told Daniel more about her addiction, and the different aspects of what recovery means. She liked Daniel, and she wanted to see him succeed. Daniel told her more of his time in Egypt, and the other digs he had been to. Steph seemed truly interested in what he had to say, and he appreciated that. Unlike Jack, who usually tuned him out.

Finishing their dinners, they left the restaurant and went to Daniel's car.  
"Do you want to go somewhere else for a while? It's not that late." Daniel asked.

"Yeah, sure. Got anywhere in mind?" Steph said, getting in the car.

"Actually, I do." Daniel smiled. They drove up the opposite side of Cheyenne Mountain to a place Daniel had discovered right after coming home from Abydos. Needing time to think about what happened to Sha're had brought him there, where it was quiet and beautiful. He felt a bit odd bringing Steph, but then remembered what Sam had old him earlier that day.

The car came to a stop near a ledge that looked out over the city, and to the left you could see part of the lake. Daniel got out and opened the door for her, and led her to a spot where they could sit and talk.

"Oh my Daniel, this is beautiful." She sat down next to Daniel. "Nice of you to bring me up here."

"My pleasure. I come here when I need some peace and quiet." He told her. He noticed Steph shiver and rub her arms. "You cold?"

"A bit, yeah. Maybe nerves." She gave an embarrassed laugh.

Daniel looked at her. "I don't bite."

"You don't? Bummer." She laughed.

Daniel grinned and put his arm around her. "Better?"

"Yeah. It is. Thanks." She looked back at him and smiled, moving a bit closer. /Girl, it's just to keep warm. Remember that/

"So, tell me something. Why do you never seem...I don't know, unhappy? Or maybe irritated, you are so upbeat most of the time. Even at the coffee shop, when you talked about the rifle incident, you didn't seem too bothered by it." Daniel was curious about this side of her.

"I have been like that for as long as I can remember. Emotions weren't something we dealt with, or showed in my house. Only anger." Steph began. "I'm what they call a stuffer. Everything goes deep inside till something really stupid happens and I explode with nothing but anger. I don't let myself cry. But it's something I'm working on."

"I guess I can relate to that sort of. I can't see you exploding, though. It would be rather messy." Daniel said, smirking. "It's okay to show them, Steph. It is part of what makes us human."

"Yeah, well..." Steph's voice cracked. "The thing is, I'm afraid that once I start to cry, I'll never stop." She put her head down so Daniel couldn't see her fighting the tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Steph...c'mere." Daniel put his other arm around her and she began to cry quietly. "It's okay. You're going to be okay. I know it."

In a while, Steph stopped crying. She wiped her face with her hands and gave a small smile. "Thank you. Sorry I got you all wet."

"No big deal. See, you stopped. Not the end of the world." Daniel squeezed her. They sat and looked out over the mountain for a long time.

"We should go, Daniel. It's getting way past my bed time." Steph stated.

"Sure. We can go." They got in Daniel's car and drove to Steph's apartment in the city, making small talk along the way. Both were suddenly feeling nervous about how the night might end. He parked in front of the apartment building and shut the car off.

"This night was awesome Daniel. One of the best I've had in a long time. Thanks for making me feel good again. It's been a while since I enjoyed a man's company." Steph looked at him and took his hands in hers. /Damn, this man is cute/

"Anytime, Stephanie. I hope it's not the last." Daniel said. /Kiss her, stupid/

Steph was the one who leaned in and kissed him lightly on the lips. When they parted, she sighed. "That was nice."

"Yes, it was." Daniel was smiling. He was relieved she made the first move.

"Look, um...I know you have a lot of issue to deal with right now, and this probably isn't the best idea, but maybe if we go really slow, we can see what happens." Steph told him.

"I think we can do that. Can I call you tomarrow?" He asked.

"Are you kidding? You better or else. I'm a weapons expert, remember?" She hinted to him. She got out of the car and Daniel waited for her to go inside. Once in her home and a light was on, he drove home, and all he could think of was how good she made him feel.

Chapter 7

Two weeks later Jack was meandering around the base, bored as usual. He stopped by Daniel's office to see what his friend was up to.

"Daniel, whatcha doin?" Jack asked as he walked in the office of the archeologist.

"Hey Jack. Not much. Research. Are you bored?" Daniel was staring at his computer.

"No...well, sorta." Jack was playing with something old and valuable, so Daniel jumped up to keep him from breaking it.

"Hey, easy, you know how old that is? Jeez Jack." Daniel gruffed. /I need to put little sticky notes all over this office that say 'Jack, do not touch'/

Jack sat on a stool by a work table. "So, how's Steph? Still seeing her?"

"Yeah. Not too often though. We both have stuff to work on. We are just going slow, waiting to see what happens. But I really like her." Daniel smiled and got a coffee from his machine.

Jack hadn't been to many meetings lately with Daniel because of missions, but he thought Daniel could handle that on his own.

"Uh, Jack, speaking of stuff to work on, I want to apologize for everything." Daniel stated.

"Daniel, no need. I understand." Jack waved his hand.

"Jack, I..." Daniel was trying to get him to listen. He knew Jack wasn't the type to talk feelings, but he needed to do this, for himself as well as Jack, and their friendship.

"Daniel." Jack interrupted.

"Jack...just listen, please." Daniel was getting impatient. "I am sorry. I almost shot you. I was an ass. I'm not proud of what I did, who I was, what I became. God, I was like a Goa'uld. I became everything I hated." Daniel sighed.

"Hey, I know what it's like. You don't want to know what kind of bastard I was when I was popping pills and drinking all the time. No one plans it. It just happens. There's no line in the road that says 'don't cross this'." Jack said, putting his hands in his pockets.

"Yeah, but I think the worst part of it is I liked it. I just felt like, I don't know, that I was invincible. Nothing could hurt me, or bother me, I didn't care about you guys being in the caves. I don't know if I will ever forgive myself for it, Jack." Daniel looked down, and fought tears.

Jack went over to Daniel. "Honestly, I don't know if I completely trust you. That I have to work on. We have to take care of each other, and we don't leave anyone behind. We need to count on each other. But I do forgive you. You need to forgive yourself."

Daniel looked up at Jack, and he was surprised at his response. "Yeah, well, I'm working on that. So...are we...?"

"We're good Dannyboy. We're good." Jack said as he ruffled Daniel's hair and walked out of the office.

Daniel felt better after his talk with Jack. He knew it would be a while, too, before things were the same as they once were. But he was determined to work on it, after all this was the only family he had left.

Daniel decided to pick up the phone and call Steph. He dialed and waited for a response. He heard her answer a few rings.

"Hey, Steph. It's me Daniel. How are you?" He asked.

"Not so good. The brass have suddenly decided that the department I work for needs to downsize. My job can be handled by someone else." Steph sounded really upset.

"I'm sorry to hear that. I have connections; maybe I can help find you something." Daniel tried to encourage her. "You are an intelligent woman. It's their loss, someone else's gain."

"Yeah, well I also found out that my building is being sold. Gotta find a new home." Steph sighed.

"Bad day all around, huh?" Daniel said to her. "Do you want to go to a meeting? Maybe it will help."

"Yeah, don't see why not. Can you pick me up?" She asked.

"Sure. How about the one on Devonshire? It's at seven." He asked.

"I'll be ready. Thanks Daniel." She hung up the phone without saying goodbye.

Steph and Daniel went to the meeting, and she shared about her day. Daniel was concerned because she had been relaively quiet on the ride there and the ride home. She had made a few short comments about what had been going on, but that's it. They arrived at her home and she went to get out of the car without saying good bye again. Daniel reached over and grabbed her arm before she escaped.

"Hey! Where are you going? No goodbye?" Daniel questioned her. "What is it Steph? Talk to me, please."

She leaned back into the seat of the car and stared straight ahead. "Damn, Daniel. Just seems like everything is falling apart. I'm trying to do the right thing here, and it just feels like everyone and everything is against me."

"I know, I've had days like that. Don't ever feel you can't talk to me. I care about you, you know." Daniel said as he held her hand.

"I know. I care about you. Maybe this thing, us, is more than I can handle along with everything else. I like you, a lot, but..." She looked down at her lap.

"You do whatever you need to do to be okay. If you just want to be friends, I can handle that. I won't like it, but I can deal with it." Daniel tried to be reassuring.

"Well, I don't know anything right now. I really need to go. I'll call you, okay?" Steph gave Daniel a quick kiss and exited the car. She got to her door and turned and looked at Daniel, who was still waiting for her to get inside safely. The look she gave caused him to sense that something terrible was going to happen.

"Please be okay." Daniel said to himself as he watched her enter her home. He drove home, not being able to shake this bad feeling.

Chapter Eight

The next morning Daniel walked around the base looking for Sam. He made his amends with Jack, and now it was time to apologize to her. Rounding a corner, he found Sam, as he almost crashed into her.

"Oh, sorry. Hi Sam." Daniel said.

"Hey, Daniel. What's up?" Sam asked him, sipping a tea.

"Got a minute? I need to talk to you." Daniel asked as they walked to Sam's lab.

"Sure. Come in." Sam told him as they entered the lab. "What's going on?"

Daniel leaned against the workbench and began. "I want to apologize for the comments I made to you, and not helping get you out sooner. It was heartless and wrong, and I'm sorry. I value our friendship, and I don't want to jeopardize that."

Sam just looked at Daniel, and she wasn't really sure how to respond. Wanting an apology was one thing, but responding to it when you are still hurting is another.

"You hurt me, Daniel. A lot. You are like a brother to me. Family shouldn't do that to each other. I know it wasn't really you. But I have to wonder if the effects of the sarcophagus just gave you the balls to actually say what you can't say otherwise." Sam responded quietly.

"Oh God, Sam. I don't think that about you. You are beautiful and intelligent and funny. I know you could give a man something special. I didn't mean it, really. I'm so sorry, Sam." Daniel grabbed Sam and hugged her as she let a few tears fall from her eyes.

"If you ever do anything like this again, I will never forgive you, but, this time I will." Sam said as they broke their embrace. "I think you owe someone else an apology, too."

"There's a few more on the list, Sam. It's going to take a while." Daniel let out a small laugh. "One of which I am going to see now. I'll catch up to you later." Daniel left her lab and went to see Janet.

Arriving at the infirmary, Daniel asked a nurse where the doctor was. The nurse pointed to the CMO's office. He went to the office and knocked, and Janet opened the door.

"Hello, Daniel. Are you feeling okay?" Janet asked him. She moved aside and motioned him in.

"Yes, I'm fine. Still have nightmares once in a while. Other than that, I'm okay." Daniel responded. "I actually came to say I'm sorry for hurting you. I hope you know I didn't mean it."

"I know that. I'm okay. I've seen this a lot, Daniel. You'd be surprised how much addiction there is in the military. Well, you're not military, but in this line of work it's common." Janet told him. "You're still attending meetings, right?"

"Yes, of course. They are really helping. Finding things out about myself that I never knew. Some of which I don't really want to know." Daniel spoke to her, looking distressed.

"It's hard to do that. No one wants to see sides of themselves that aren't especially pretty. But finding those things out is what helps prevent people from relapsing." Janet tried to make him feel better. "I do appreciate the apology, Daniel. Thank you."

"How much longer do I have to attend? I really want to get back out there." Daniel asked her, hoping for an answer he'd want to hear.

"Well, I don't see why you can't now. But I will have to put a limit on what missions. Right now I feel that the best thing is just off-world digs and such. I still want you attending at least one meeting a week though." She said looking over his file.

"I guess that's okay. It's better than staying here twenty four seven. Thank you." Daniel told her.

"My pleasure. Just let me know if the nightmares get worse, okay?" She said.

Daniel got up to leave. "I will. Thanks, Janet. I appreciate all you've done to help me." He left the office feeling like big weights were being lifted each time he gave his apology to another friend.

He continued around the base that day, finding everyone he had mistreated. General Hammond, Teal'c and the SF he severely injured were gracious in accepting his apologies.

He went home that evening tired, but grateful for the chance to restore what he had come close to losing. Picking up the phone, he debated calling Stephanie, but decided against it. He knew she needed time to sort things out. He still had that nagging feeling inside, but didn't want to push her and lose any chance for their relationship to grow into something more.

Chapter Nine

One week later—  
Daniel had been given permission to return to the planet with SG1 where the entire situation started. He told General Hammond he needed to do this, for his own reassurance. The General had been hesitant, but let him go all the same.

Promising Shyla that their planet could survive with help from Earth, he told her to destroy the sarcophagus. Otherwise, she may become what he and her father had. Daniel cared about Shyla, but nothing would ever develop due to the circumstances that made him care about her in the first place.

The team returned home and Daniel had checked to see if Steph left a message. He had missed her while gone, and that bad feeling never left him. Disappointed and concerned she did not, he tried to call her. The phone on her end rang for a long time, but there was no answer. /Maybe she moved already/

Daniel decided he would take a ride by her home at the end of the day. At least if he could see furniture or something through her window, he'd have a better idea of what was going on.

Daniel was hungry so he went to the commissary to grab a bite to eat. On the way he was paged to General Hammond's office. He changed direction and arrived at the door, which was partially open. He could hear Jack, Sam and Teal'c speaking with the general. No one sounded happy. He also heard a voice he did not recognize, and he knocked on the frame to let him know he was there.

"Dr. Jackson, come in please." Hammond said.

"What's going on? Who is this?" Daniel asked. There was a man standing in the room with his dress blues on, and he introduced himself.

"Hello, Doctor. My name is Major Webb. I worked with Seargent Stephanie Miller. Do you know her?" The man asked.

"Yes, we are good friends. Why?" Daniel's stomach lurched.

The Major handed Daniel a business card that he had given her a few nights after they met. "We found this with her personal effects in her vehicle. I'm sorry Doctor Jackson, but Sergeant Miller was killed in a drunken driving accident three days ago."

Daniel's face fell, and he felt like he couldn't breathe. Jack came and put his hand on Daniel's shoulder, and Sam's eyes welled with tears.

"What? Are you sure?" Daniel asked, looking shocked. "Did you find the person that hit her? Have they been charged?"

"Um, Daniel," Jack spoke up. "Steph was the one driving. She lost control and drove into a light pole. She wasn't wearing her seatbelt. I'm sorry, Daniel."

"I contacted you as she had no family that we know of. We are still looking though. Again, I am sorry for your loss." He Major saluted and left the office.

Daniel stood there, not saying anything. Tears rolled down his face.

"Oh Daniel, I am so sorry. We know you cared about her." Sam gave him a big hug, and had to leave the office before she completely lost her composure. She was hurting badly for her friend.

General Hammond spoke up. "Dr. Jackson, if you need some time, feel free to take as much as you need."

"I am sorry about the death of your friend, DanielJackson. If I can offer any support I will do so." Teal'c said, as he bowed in sympathy towards Daniel. Daniel just nodded.

"Who is paying for her funeral?" Daniel asked.

"Most likely the government, as they can't find relatives." Hammond replied.

"I want to do it. She deserves better than a quick service with no feeling behind it." Daniel told them.

"If you'd like, son. I think that would be nice. I'll contact the Major and let him know. Once arrangements have been made, let us know. We'd like to be there." Hammond said.

"Sure. I...have to go...I'll see you later." Daniel practically ran from the room.

"Daniel, wait!" Jack called as he tried to follow him.

"Jack, let him go. He'll be okay." The general stopped Jack from following.

"I hope so, sir." Jack said quietly as he left.

Three days later the funeral took place. All of Sg1 was there, and many that Stephanie had worked with. They never did find any family of hers, which made Daniel all the more upset. He of all people knew what that was like. Having the people from the SGC was great, but having family of your own is something everyone wants.

After the funeral Daniel drove to the side of the mountain where he and Steph had spent some time. As he arrived, he thought it was ironic that this was the place he came after Sha're, and now Steph.

He was still in his suit, but he didn't care. He sat down and put his head in his hands and cried, hard. As he cried he spoke to nothing in particular, he just needed to get it out.

"What happened, Steph? Why didn't you call? What was so bad that made you pick up again? I could have helped you, dammit."

"No, I don't think you could have, Daniel." Jack came up from behind him.

Daniel gave a small 'humph' as Jack approached. "I figured you'd show up."

"You okay?" Jack asked as he sat down, knees popping.

"No, Jack, I'm not." Daniel said sounding irritated. "I don't get. She was doing good. She had a bad day. That's all. You know, I couldn't help Sha're, I couldn't help Steph. Maybe I'm a bad omen or something."

"Daniel, you can't be in control of everything. It's not your job to save the universe." Jack told him.

"Isn't that what we do on a daily basis?" He looked at Jack.

"Okay, bad example. I mean, you couldn't stop what happened to Sha're, or Steph. Sha're was taken. Steph made a choice. That choice got her killed. You can't blame yourself for either one." Jack said as he rubbed Daniel's shoulder.

"It hurts, Jack. I really cared about her. I could have loved her." Daniel's eyes were wet again.

"I know, Daniel. You know what they say in the meeting about addictions being insanity." Jack said.

"What's that?" Daniel asked.

"Insanity is doing the same thing over and over, and expecting a different result." Jack stated. "Addicted people think the next time will be different, and it never is. Just worse. C'mon, it's getting dark. You can stay at my house tonight."

Daniel stood up, and Jack rose to join him. "I think that would be good. Oh, can we hit a meeting?"

"I think that would be great, Daniel. I'm sure there are people who'd want to know what happened." Jack and Daniel walked to their vehicles. "You gonna be okay?"

"Yeah. I will be. I don't know when, but I will." Daniel looked over his car at Jack. "Jack, thank you."

The two men got into their cars and drove down the mountain as the sun made it's descent. Daniel spoke as he drove, hoping maybe she would hear.

"At least your insanity has ended, Stephanie Miller. I hope you're happy wherever you may be. I'll miss you."

FINIS


End file.
